Continuing from this morning – 7 limbs. Related to the accumulate of merit through rejoicing at other’s good deed, as in the story of when a king invited Buddha and his retinue to his palace and made a big offering. At the end, the Buddha asked the king “should I dedicate the merit of this to you – the king – or to the person who has gained more merits than you?” The king thought, “Since I am the benefactor, I may be the one who gained most merit”, so the king said, “yes, dedicate to person with most merits.” At that time, there was a beggar at the door of the palace. He really rejoiced at the merit of the king, and that the king was making such a grand offering to Buddha. When Buddha was about to dedicate, he surprised everyone when he used the name of the beggar at the door. This shows that just by rejoicing at the good deeds of others, we can gain the same amount of merit.
Showing posts with label drikung. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drikung. Show all posts
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Notes from Garchen Rinpoche's teaching in Mid-January on Creation and Completion
HE Garchen Rinpoche – creation and completion – 01/16/2010 – Gaitherburg, MD
(These notes are my imperfect attempt at a transcription of the great Drikung Kagyu/Nyingma lama Garchen Rinpoche on a teaching he gave right outside DC on the topic of the creation and completion stages in Vajrayana buddhism. Very deep, but also very, very practical. )
There's not much more I can say about him that's not said better in this promo from the documentary about Rinpoche's life, "For the Benefit of all beings".
_____________________________________
First, begin practice with refuge in the 3 jewels. After refuge, must observe the precepts of refuge, the excellent path of the 3 jewels. In the middle, cultivate bodhichitta, which is the actual protection. First take refuge, but ultimately bodhichitta IS the precious dharma. All samayas are contained in bodhichitta. The ultimate protection. First after refuge, consider all Sentient beings. Samaya is like making a jeweled mala. You take all the beads, poke a hole in the beads and put them on a string, which is the bond that keeps beads together. The bond is the ultimate/ relative samayas. The mind of all the Buddhas and Sentient beings have a single ground. The conventional samayas are loving-kindness-compassion. It is to understand the nature of samsara and nirvana nd cultivate compassion. If you understand Buddha nature/ empty nature of mind/ in union with loving-kindness – we will actually connect to the Buddhas- 2 fold- Buddha nature, _conventional bodhichitta- understand samaya. We will give rise to bodhichitta, even in refuge.
ZAH HUM BAH HO– summon deities, become non-dual. What becomes non-dual? The mind of bodhichitta. Based on that understanding, engage is visualization mantra. If no bodhichitta, no great results. If samaya degenerates, it is like a burnt seed- no fruit will grow.
If you are not keeping samaya, even if we do Vajrayana practices, there is no great power. So must recognize samayas. Buddhas observe the samayas to the guru. This does not mean to have faith in one guru, and point out faults of other gurus. No. 32 in the 37 bodhisattva practices says that, looking down on others, brings our own ruin.
32) If, influenced by disturbing emotions, one points out another bodhisattva’s faults, oneself is diminished. Therefore, not speaking about the faults of those who have entered the Great Vehicle is the bodhisattvas’ practice.
Any master is probably a mixture of faults and qualities. Since we have faults, we can only see faults. It’s like a magnet pulling the negativities, faults. Seeing faults of others is harming ourselves.
If thinking of 1 person as good, and all others as bad, it leads to ill will. This will then lead to wrong views. If someone is doing negative conduct, is his business. He may go to hell realm, but not our business. We must purify our mindstreams by purifying our conduct. We are only harming ourselves if we criticize them.
In the beginning, we must purify wrong views and prejudices. To do this, we must see the entire universe in the form of deities. The Universe of the 5 elements is the 5 consorts which Naturally arise. The 5 afflictive emotions, when seen in pure nature are the 5 wisdoms. If you think like this, mind will be vast, and you will be happy. If you see afflictions, mind will be like ice flow.
Must see in practice difference between grasping and non-grasping.
Samayas of guru and students. A feeling of love- like a mother and child, a great vast love. This is bodhichitta. Buddhas of 3 times have great love for all Sentient beings. Connecting to this is connects to all sentient beings.
Milarepa said “the cause of the hell realms is hatred. So we must avoid it, even at the risk of our own life. Love is precious- the root samaya. “
Observing love is through mindfulness/ heedfulness – bodhisattva practice # 36.
36) In brief, whatever conduct one engages in, one should ask, “What is the state of my mind?” Accomplishing others’ purpose through constantly maintaining mindfulness and awareness is the bodhisattvas’ practice.
Sustaining love through sustaining mindful awareness contains all the samayas of the 3 vehicles - Pratimoksha, bodhisattva, and vajrayana.
Then there are the branch samayas. I don’t remember them all. For example, there is the branch samaya of Vajravarahai not to eat pork. It is good if you can keep these samayas, but not essential. If you give rise to love, you will connect with the yidam to become the yidam deity. If you are not giving rise to love/bodhichitta, however, you may be reborn in form of deity, but as a hungry spirit.
If you want to make light, you need to connect the cables to the plug. Otherwise, there is no light. In the same way is the union of emptiness + compassion. If you connect these two, your mind will be illuminated. It is very important to understand this point.
As mentioned before, Creation stage has three important points.
1) clearly visualize the form clearly,
2) understand pure qualities of deity, and most important
3) to cultivate divine pride, that “I am the deity”. Look inside ones mind till one finds certainty that one is the deity. How does the deity exist on one’s mind?
Guru rinpoche – “The actual deity is bodhichitta. Mind is the life force. The life force of the deity is love.”
In our activities, we are supposed to perceive all males as Chenrezig and females as Tara, and all perceptions as the deity at the inner level.
If you are fixating on the external appearances, that if you must see them, they must (literally} look like Chenrezig, one is mistaken. Chenrezig is the embodiment of bodhichitta. If one has great love, then he or she is Chenrezig or Tara. When one has given rise to such a mind, one will be able to work to help beings extensively. When cultivating this attitude, must be firm. No doubts. You are endowed with Buddha nature. We are like children of the Buddhas. If we give rise to grasping, you won’t recognize it. But If we give rise to altruistic mind, we ARE it.
“If I have given rise to bodhichitta, I am the deity. The deity is established in my mind. “ Can gain confidence, trust in mind. Naturally, all afflictive emotions will disappear.
Look inside your own mind, give rise to unity of emptiness + compassion, will gain confidence in ourselves. In the world, some things appear pure and some impure.
Beings are temporarily stained by adventitious stains. These stains temporarily obscure Buddha nature.
From understanding that all sentient beings are endowed with Buddha nature, will be able to cultivate pure view for all other sentient beings. When afflictive emotions appear, will see them as temporary, lacking true existence. Will see this grasping is.
Like understanding the nature of ice is water. When seeing this, mind will be at ease.
1) The union of appearance and emptiness, one doesn’t grasp at appearing forms. One will also not grasp at difference of self and others.
2) The union of sound + emptiness.
Not grasping at sounds.
3) The union of thoughts and emptiness.
Appearing thoughts as awareness.
These 3 vajras. Milarepa said “When you understand these points, then free from any doubt, having taken refuge, you will give rise to bodhichitta. Can give rise to confidence that one is the deity. Bodhichitta, love and faith will increase, and afflictive emotions will decrease.”
Also, Siddhis will arise. There are two kinds, Common and extraordinary.
Common siddhis bring temporarily benefit, but won’t lead to enlightenment. They may lead to obstacles later.
Creation stage- in 100,000 songs of milarepa. pg. 376 of English version. There is much benefit to reading these.
If you mediate and give rise to creation of yidam deity, if you habituate the deity, then that body will be …just like a rainbow. Nothing to be identified. Speech will be the Union of sound + emptiness.
Mind will be the union of clarity and emptiness. Like luminosity of sun and moon, no prejudice no bias, self grasping will be exhausted.
Ordinary Body, speech and mind are realized as vajra Body, speech and mind.
When 3 doors abide in the original state, the mind abides in ease, in accord with dharma. As dharma becomes path, there is great delight.
These are the powers of proper creation stage practice. This is the great difference of sutra + Tanta. Tantra is the close path. If habituate on bodhichitta over and over, then propensities of the afflictive emotions will decrease.
For example, Sometimes when we practice shamatha, we get a very still mind, and lose awareness of body. But when getting up and doing activities, we get grasping to self. Due to self-grasping, we create karmas. When one habituates creation stage again + again.
Milarepa- “ eating food becomes a tsok. If you have not forgotten deity, if eating food, no mind thinking, “this is my food”. Can partake of anything, if no fixation to good and bad taste. Partaking a food is a tsok. If one doesn’t give rise to deity, will think, “This is my food”. This awareness of self will then fall in the mind like snowflakes accumulating.”
Lord Jitgon Sumgön some say there are 3 kinds of actions -. This is not true. There is only virtue and non-virtue. No neutral. Neutral is ignorance.
In mantrayana- stay inseparable from deity, if inseparable, when eating food.
Like fire and wood in contact. Wood will be burned away by fire in an instant.
When we maintain mindfulness, then our mistaken perceptions will be dispelled.
Visualizing form of deity, which appeared in our mind like a rainbow appearing in the sky. rWe will forget about our ordinary body, and everything that appears will appear illusionary.
When reciting mantra, will be no fixation on speech. If one does this for a long time authentically, these are the powers that will arise.
The 3 vajra- purify fixations on body as existing – if one sustains this mind, then any obscurations that arise will not defile the mind. This is the mind vajra-.
One becomes like vajradhara.
Union of clarity + emptiness- if there no fixation in mind, understand transcending birth and death. Will see birth and death as an illusion. Then will be no fear of death.
See all arisings and cessation are only illusions we haven’t recognized.
If we have engaged in the creation and completion stages correctly, these are the powers that will arise.
“The mind that is union of clarity + emptiness- like luminosity of sun and moon, free from any bias, - when no grasping at sound, mind will abide like the luminosity of sun and moon.
If afflicting thoughts are just like clouds in sky, temporary adventitious, then the luminosity of the sun and moon will arise. “
Regarding free from any bias, the pure view.
Lord Jitgon Sumgön said not to grasp at the 3 great ones – the supreme realization.
Mahydyamika, mahamudra, and dzogchen.
When it comes down to practice, mind must not cling to these three thoughts, otherwise then a bias will arise in the mind.
When all the grasping is released, then the nature of mind will be seen.
Through blessing of guru and devotion of student, sometimes the natural state of mind will be seen. For a beginner, may be a very short time, but when one habituates it. , Will be longer and longer time.
In the practice of a beginning practitioner, may be a bias. Sometimes keep view, and sometime conceptualize – “meditation going well/ not going well” – hopes /expectations will arise.
Milarepa- sometimes good / bad thoughts will appear in mind. don’t be attached to good/ bad thoughts, and don’t have aversion to bad thoughts.
Gampopa- sometimes faults of agitation will appear. Apply antidotes. For example, if one emits a loud PHET syllable, a disturbed mind will become clear. If a mind ia very agitated, look into space.
Milarepa- don’t grasp at faults of lack of clarity + agitation.
Sometimes we think “mediation going well/ not going well”.
If in meditation, no need to conceptualize these. It is not necessary. Just like butter lamp is not needed in the daytime.
Different practitioners have different methods. In brief, must dispel all grasping, biases.
Will be no thinking, “is going well”. Milarepa said they will appear like an apparition in space, like a cloud in the sky that will vanish is if no grasping.
In reference to self-arising 3 vajras of body, speech and mind.
In mind, when there is no grasping, the mind can’t be obscured, naturally, because one is endowed with b-nature, will naturally see all appearances as the nature of the deity.
Will hear all sounds as the union of sound and emptiness.
Ex guru rinpoche, no inner grasping of the mind, the external objects won’t disappear, but the mind will remain clear.
Doesn’t mean the perceptions of forms and sound will disappear. Means there is no grasping. What union of form and emptiness means is the grasping to forms is gone.
Union of sound and emptiness is grasping to sounds is gone.
One is then inseparable from the deity. Whenever temporary grasping to appearances and sounds is released, will naturally attain enlightenment, the dharmakaya. Will understand all beings naturally transcend body, speech and mind.
When we engage in the creation stage practice, one must give rise to such a pure view. Through this view, do not let perfect conduct slip by. Must see everything as purity, but must observe customs of county and show great respect.
In our conduct, must be in accord with traditions of country.
We talk about 5 meats and 5 nectars. If don’t understand everything is pure form beginning, will see pure and impure. May see our body as pure and the best, and everything else is dirty. This is dualistic grasping we naturally have, which keeps us in bondage we need to purify this mind. We must heed our activity.
View must be vast like space, and conduct fine like flour.
See all people as pure, but observe rules of karma. Avoid 10 unvirtuous actions. It is said (probably by Lord jitgon Sumgon) that outer conduct should be in accord with vinaya, inner with bodhichitta, and we ahould secretly hold the view of Vajrayana – we don’t hold any phenomena of samsara + nirvana as having lasting existence.
Before I talked about creation stage, and benefits and powers of creation stage, how we can transform impure into pure perceptions in this lifetime. If we can do this, can’t be harmed by spells, and so forth. One will attain common siddhis and ultimately enlightenment. Also, in bardo, if one doesn’t forget form, then in an instant, one may attain enlightenment in the 2nd stage of the bardo after death.
We nurture our mindstreams + at same time, accumulate mantras ex. 10 syllables, each 100,000 times. – 1 million. We must accumulate the number, but must abide in Samadhi one-pointedly inseparable with deity without distraction. Through the Power on mantra, will be able to engage in 4 enlightened activities.
There are 9 benefits of mantra. Of these, there are 3 it is really useful to know.
– See mantra as deity, see mantra as an offering, and see mantra as a siddhi.
When we recite mantra, we must also focus one-pointedly on visualization. Must also give rise to faith and devotion.
3 types.
Qualities of the deities/ Buddhas posses knowledge, love, great powers.
Knowledge- wisdom to see all fruitions of actions.
Love for all beings like mother for child.
Powers- when we merge our mind with the deity, we will sew seeds of the d-kaya, and be able to accomplish it.
See mantra chain – like pouring milk into tea and must stir it.
First the mantra garland rotates slowly, and then accelerates. If you remain in view it becomes very fast. Then, can recite in non-conceptual state- in mahamudra, this is the actual meditation.
When thoughts appear, can focus on mantra garland. Emanate light as offering to Buddhas and bodhisattvas. Infinite mantras like rainbows multiplying.
Qualities in mind of bodhichitta. Light rays can purify sentient beings obscurations. Infinite light from mantra chain.
In this way, have awareness of mantra as the deity.
An offering, a purification of obscurations of sentient beings, and a gathering of the powers of the Buddhas and blessings.
Ultimately, one attains siddhis, then mantras become siddhis, our mind and mind of deity become inseparable and will never be apart again.
Like if one has a friend one loves very much, they are never not with you.
At that time, then the actual powers of the deity will arise. The principle power- the altruistic mind – the actual power.
Love and compassion increase, if they increase, wisdom will increase.
1 must never, never practice mantra through hopes and expectations.
In the future, one may get harm from that.
From mind of compassion free of grasping, one will attain highest accomplishment.
If one has practiced in retreat, then one will become so close to the deity, one is never separate from the deity again.
When we recite mantra and visualize the deity, the mediation is like fire, the mantra is like wind. Fire and wind come together, wind will fan fire.
Must recite mantra clearly. Sometimes, many disciples gather and recite in a melody, some think if one does melody, will be too slowly to accumulate.
But when one sings it clear and pristine, then a single recitation can count for 10 or more.
Reciting 1 mantra clear is better than 100 unclearly. Reciting slowly clearly with melody makes mind very clear. Clarity of the sounds of mantra very important. Mantra chain has benefits like the prayer wheel I hold.
It leaves a virtuous imprint in others’ minds.
Especially me – I’m a sinful person – I haven’t’ had a chance to go into retreat – so, since I am a sinful person, when I spin the prayer wheel, it is of great benefit to me to purify my negativities.
For the body, the physical virtue of each rotation is like a circumambulation –
With each rotation, 100,000 mantas inside radiate out.
The mantras reach all Sentient beings emanated out. In this way, it benefits all beings.
If you lose mindfulness, you will loose the prayer wheel. Is why I brought prayer wheel to the US. Is a very effective method of accumulating benefit with body, speech and mind.
Plus, anyone seeing will not get lower rebirth. The seed of liberation is planted. Great merit. Linked to mantra chain. Effective way to accomplish something great through small activity. When I do it, others like to do what I am doing, so they are doing it to. ☺
We say Emanations of Chenrezig and Tara are coming down when we spin prayer wheel.– internally, what we really mean is the mind of love and compassion has taken place in our mindstream. In brief, The Buddhas teachings are only a method to increase love and compassion.
Many great benefits of recitation. Sometimes, disciples gather to chant or sing mantras, and it is recorded on CD. As long as the sound remains, will benefit beings with and without bodies by planting seeds of liberation. Even after we have died, we will still get merit from it when people listen to recording.
Reciting mantra will temporarily expel obstacles, as well as create connection to love and compassion. It is like calling the deity by phone –a very quick connection. These are the benefits.
And then, the completion stage.
Many explanations, but in brief, the purpose is to purify the propensities of the death stage. We said before, creation stage purifies propensities of birth. Everything will come to dissolution in the end, in one single person, if they understand – nature of entire universe and sentient beings – first it was created, but in the end, it will disintegrate. It lacks inherit nature from it’s own side.
External universe- the 5 elements. They will dissolve, one into another.
Sentient beings- their bodies will dissolve, one into the other, and then to complete destruction.
Resolve into each other.
Padme sangye? - “When a yogi dies, he doesn’t really die. Will embrace death. One has accomplished deathlessness of mind, an elixir that will remain. Mind has become nature of 5 wisdoms., and one will attain form like rainbow body.
In the end, one will attain vajra body- appearance and emptiness union.
If one realizes true nature of mind, there is no arising and cessation. Is like a rainbow that transcends birth and death.
For us ordinary beings, we attach to phenomena, and at base don’t know this, and will have suffering.
Will have 3 appearances.
All those with strong self-grasping – have some merit, so may have some happiness in this life – wife, kids, happiness.
Why did I experience this? Frution of morals ethics, generosity, patience.
If one attaches to this world, one will be attached to this lifetime; will lose ones’ mental independence. One realizes this through bodhichitta. Realize body of flesh blood bones will dissolve.
The propensities of our karma will emerge as suffering – thirst, etc.
Some Sentient beings dissolve into rocks, into earth. Whatever one’s mind is attached to at that moment will dispel into that.
To get free of that, must Realize they are free from existence,
In lama chopa, we create universe and sentient beings, and recognize they are pure in nature, after visualize refuge tree, then bodhichitta that melts self-grasping like ice, then everything dissolves. Retinue into principle deity, the deity into emptiness.
Like elements dissolving into elements one by one at death.
Earth to water, water to fire, fire to wind, wind to consciousness.
Then one will faint and lose mindfulness. Red and white paths will merge.
This is why it is necessary to practice completion stage.
Purifying the death propensities- relates directly to death process too. To prepare, is very beneficial to relate to dream state, Falling asleep relates to death. Recognizing dream state is like state after death.
One may think the dream of last night was a dream, and this morning is real life.
One thinks one lives a life span, entertains thoughts of past, and plans for the future, and thinks the universe and firm and will always remain.
This is a delusion.
The appearances may appear for a few years, but they don’t’ exist on their own from their own side.
Must resolve that this lifetime is like a dream.
Before we got this Precious Human Birth, we were a consciousness with self-grasping mind and 4 aggregates. One has lost body, but still has feeling, formation, perception, and consciousness. No one will be able to see it, but one will feel suffering in this astral body. Due to actions we have committed, we will enter womb in 6 realms.
From birth till death is like a dream of a single night.
The lifetime from birth to childhood, aging, death – this entire lifespan is a dream we have dreamed. After we die, we will wake up. The dream will be over in the bardo state. A consciousness seeking a body.
In beginning, is important to resolve this life is like a dream. If you believe it is real, this establishes samsara. Must contemplate the universe will come to destruction.
The consciousness will still create another universe.
This creation is related to the creation state.
In Reality, the self light of the arising of one's own mind.
This mind is like a dream.
Dream state and completion state relate to each other.
When we practice completion state, must know how to practice it.
Like when you have a mirror, and breathe on a mirror, it becomes foggy, you can’t see anything, then watch it slowly, and it will clear up on it’s own. ☺
One must first understand that this entire creation will not remain. Then, visualize universe and Sentient beings – deities, principle deity – ex. Lama chopa- one thing dissolves into another – universe into sentient beings, sentient beings into retinue, retinue into main deity, main deity into one’s heart.
If yab-yum, the female dissolves into the male, and then the Buddha from top and bottom to the HUM in the heart. Remain in the HUM for a little while, then dissolve from the bottom up to the little ball on the top, then rest in that, and then the little ball dissolves into the nada strain – eventually into space and disappears.
When thoughts are completely severed, remain in that state for however long as you can, - if you can’t, reprise as deity in an instant – before thoughts have intervened. Will gradually purify ordinary propensities.
The daytime experiences relate to birth, nighttime relate to death process.
When you go to sleep at night, slowly fall asleep, as the dream arises.
The white path and red path, and other visions.
If one has light sleep, one may apprehend dream state. In an instant recognize them.
When dream stops, we faint. Like everything dissolving into the HUM syllable. If one has habituated completion stage, the clear knowing awareness must arise, must recognize dream state, and recognize when the dream stops.
A practitioner will not faint into having no sensations. Clear awareness – a mind without bias. Is the clear light. Clear mindfulness. Relates to the death process. At time of death, when thoughts will have ceased. One comes to Buddha nature itself, mahamudra. If one doesn’t recognize, will fall into sleep, won’t see luminosity.
Very helpful to practice OM AH HUM before sleep, and when you wake up, that instant, it is idea to merge awareness with view. Or, if not able to, to merge awareness with deity. If one can do this, is 100% certain will attain samboghakaya in bardo.
Otherwise, when mind ejects, is like clear sky, may see the nature of mind, if one has habituated mahamudra, will attain enlightenment into dharmakaya. After all thoughts have ceased.
These are the powers of completion stage.
Is more difficult to recognize clear light of deep sleep. But ideally, on awakening, can merge mind with view, will attain enlightenment in first bardo.
If thoughts arise, then one must remember, “I must remember the yidam deity”. Will attain enlightenment in bardo state. If you can’t do that, give rise to bodhichitta “may I be of benefit to sentient beings”. Will get
In the 1st bardo, will recognize clear light and attain dharmakaya.
In the 2nd bardo, will recognize deity and attain samboghakaya enlightenment.
In the 3rd, will attain nirmanakaya and come back to become a guru in this world.
One must always practice the OM AH HUM recitation. Physically, prayer wheel is very good. If you habituate OM AH HUM, you will remember it in your dreams. Then you may remember the deity, which is very good.
OM AH HUM contains all the Buddhas speech. Every deity mantra contains OM AH HUM in some way. In a single deity, all other deities are contained. They may appear in different forms, but all are same.
So, tashi dalek, I apologize for mistakes, and apologize to Khenchen rinpoche for mistakes. ☺
ZAH HUM BAH HO– summon deities, become non-dual. What becomes non-dual? The mind of bodhichitta. Based on that understanding, engage is visualization mantra. If no bodhichitta, no great results. If samaya degenerates, it is like a burnt seed- no fruit will grow.
If you are not keeping samaya, even if we do Vajrayana practices, there is no great power. So must recognize samayas. Buddhas observe the samayas to the guru. This does not mean to have faith in one guru, and point out faults of other gurus. No. 32 in the 37 bodhisattva practices says that, looking down on others, brings our own ruin.
32) If, influenced by disturbing emotions, one points out another bodhisattva’s faults, oneself is diminished. Therefore, not speaking about the faults of those who have entered the Great Vehicle is the bodhisattvas’ practice.
Any master is probably a mixture of faults and qualities. Since we have faults, we can only see faults. It’s like a magnet pulling the negativities, faults. Seeing faults of others is harming ourselves.
If thinking of 1 person as good, and all others as bad, it leads to ill will. This will then lead to wrong views. If someone is doing negative conduct, is his business. He may go to hell realm, but not our business. We must purify our mindstreams by purifying our conduct. We are only harming ourselves if we criticize them.
In the beginning, we must purify wrong views and prejudices. To do this, we must see the entire universe in the form of deities. The Universe of the 5 elements is the 5 consorts which Naturally arise. The 5 afflictive emotions, when seen in pure nature are the 5 wisdoms. If you think like this, mind will be vast, and you will be happy. If you see afflictions, mind will be like ice flow.
Must see in practice difference between grasping and non-grasping.
Samayas of guru and students. A feeling of love- like a mother and child, a great vast love. This is bodhichitta. Buddhas of 3 times have great love for all Sentient beings. Connecting to this is connects to all sentient beings.
Milarepa said “the cause of the hell realms is hatred. So we must avoid it, even at the risk of our own life. Love is precious- the root samaya. “
Observing love is through mindfulness/ heedfulness – bodhisattva practice # 36.
36) In brief, whatever conduct one engages in, one should ask, “What is the state of my mind?” Accomplishing others’ purpose through constantly maintaining mindfulness and awareness is the bodhisattvas’ practice.
Sustaining love through sustaining mindful awareness contains all the samayas of the 3 vehicles - Pratimoksha, bodhisattva, and vajrayana.
Then there are the branch samayas. I don’t remember them all. For example, there is the branch samaya of Vajravarahai not to eat pork. It is good if you can keep these samayas, but not essential. If you give rise to love, you will connect with the yidam to become the yidam deity. If you are not giving rise to love/bodhichitta, however, you may be reborn in form of deity, but as a hungry spirit.
If you want to make light, you need to connect the cables to the plug. Otherwise, there is no light. In the same way is the union of emptiness + compassion. If you connect these two, your mind will be illuminated. It is very important to understand this point.
As mentioned before, Creation stage has three important points.
1) clearly visualize the form clearly,
2) understand pure qualities of deity, and most important
3) to cultivate divine pride, that “I am the deity”. Look inside ones mind till one finds certainty that one is the deity. How does the deity exist on one’s mind?
Guru rinpoche – “The actual deity is bodhichitta. Mind is the life force. The life force of the deity is love.”
In our activities, we are supposed to perceive all males as Chenrezig and females as Tara, and all perceptions as the deity at the inner level.
If you are fixating on the external appearances, that if you must see them, they must (literally} look like Chenrezig, one is mistaken. Chenrezig is the embodiment of bodhichitta. If one has great love, then he or she is Chenrezig or Tara. When one has given rise to such a mind, one will be able to work to help beings extensively. When cultivating this attitude, must be firm. No doubts. You are endowed with Buddha nature. We are like children of the Buddhas. If we give rise to grasping, you won’t recognize it. But If we give rise to altruistic mind, we ARE it.
“If I have given rise to bodhichitta, I am the deity. The deity is established in my mind. “ Can gain confidence, trust in mind. Naturally, all afflictive emotions will disappear.
Look inside your own mind, give rise to unity of emptiness + compassion, will gain confidence in ourselves. In the world, some things appear pure and some impure.
Beings are temporarily stained by adventitious stains. These stains temporarily obscure Buddha nature.
From understanding that all sentient beings are endowed with Buddha nature, will be able to cultivate pure view for all other sentient beings. When afflictive emotions appear, will see them as temporary, lacking true existence. Will see this grasping is.
Like understanding the nature of ice is water. When seeing this, mind will be at ease.
1) The union of appearance and emptiness, one doesn’t grasp at appearing forms. One will also not grasp at difference of self and others.
2) The union of sound + emptiness.
Not grasping at sounds.
3) The union of thoughts and emptiness.
Appearing thoughts as awareness.
These 3 vajras. Milarepa said “When you understand these points, then free from any doubt, having taken refuge, you will give rise to bodhichitta. Can give rise to confidence that one is the deity. Bodhichitta, love and faith will increase, and afflictive emotions will decrease.”
Also, Siddhis will arise. There are two kinds, Common and extraordinary.
Common siddhis bring temporarily benefit, but won’t lead to enlightenment. They may lead to obstacles later.
Creation stage- in 100,000 songs of milarepa. pg. 376 of English version. There is much benefit to reading these.
If you mediate and give rise to creation of yidam deity, if you habituate the deity, then that body will be …just like a rainbow. Nothing to be identified. Speech will be the Union of sound + emptiness.
Mind will be the union of clarity and emptiness. Like luminosity of sun and moon, no prejudice no bias, self grasping will be exhausted.
Ordinary Body, speech and mind are realized as vajra Body, speech and mind.
When 3 doors abide in the original state, the mind abides in ease, in accord with dharma. As dharma becomes path, there is great delight.
These are the powers of proper creation stage practice. This is the great difference of sutra + Tanta. Tantra is the close path. If habituate on bodhichitta over and over, then propensities of the afflictive emotions will decrease.
For example, Sometimes when we practice shamatha, we get a very still mind, and lose awareness of body. But when getting up and doing activities, we get grasping to self. Due to self-grasping, we create karmas. When one habituates creation stage again + again.
Milarepa- “ eating food becomes a tsok. If you have not forgotten deity, if eating food, no mind thinking, “this is my food”. Can partake of anything, if no fixation to good and bad taste. Partaking a food is a tsok. If one doesn’t give rise to deity, will think, “This is my food”. This awareness of self will then fall in the mind like snowflakes accumulating.”
Lord Jitgon Sumgön some say there are 3 kinds of actions -. This is not true. There is only virtue and non-virtue. No neutral. Neutral is ignorance.
In mantrayana- stay inseparable from deity, if inseparable, when eating food.
Like fire and wood in contact. Wood will be burned away by fire in an instant.
When we maintain mindfulness, then our mistaken perceptions will be dispelled.
Visualizing form of deity, which appeared in our mind like a rainbow appearing in the sky. rWe will forget about our ordinary body, and everything that appears will appear illusionary.
When reciting mantra, will be no fixation on speech. If one does this for a long time authentically, these are the powers that will arise.
The 3 vajra- purify fixations on body as existing – if one sustains this mind, then any obscurations that arise will not defile the mind. This is the mind vajra-.
One becomes like vajradhara.
Union of clarity + emptiness- if there no fixation in mind, understand transcending birth and death. Will see birth and death as an illusion. Then will be no fear of death.
See all arisings and cessation are only illusions we haven’t recognized.
If we have engaged in the creation and completion stages correctly, these are the powers that will arise.
“The mind that is union of clarity + emptiness- like luminosity of sun and moon, free from any bias, - when no grasping at sound, mind will abide like the luminosity of sun and moon.
If afflicting thoughts are just like clouds in sky, temporary adventitious, then the luminosity of the sun and moon will arise. “
Regarding free from any bias, the pure view.
Lord Jitgon Sumgön said not to grasp at the 3 great ones – the supreme realization.
Mahydyamika, mahamudra, and dzogchen.
When it comes down to practice, mind must not cling to these three thoughts, otherwise then a bias will arise in the mind.
When all the grasping is released, then the nature of mind will be seen.
Through blessing of guru and devotion of student, sometimes the natural state of mind will be seen. For a beginner, may be a very short time, but when one habituates it. , Will be longer and longer time.
In the practice of a beginning practitioner, may be a bias. Sometimes keep view, and sometime conceptualize – “meditation going well/ not going well” – hopes /expectations will arise.
Milarepa- sometimes good / bad thoughts will appear in mind. don’t be attached to good/ bad thoughts, and don’t have aversion to bad thoughts.
Gampopa- sometimes faults of agitation will appear. Apply antidotes. For example, if one emits a loud PHET syllable, a disturbed mind will become clear. If a mind ia very agitated, look into space.
Milarepa- don’t grasp at faults of lack of clarity + agitation.
Sometimes we think “mediation going well/ not going well”.
If in meditation, no need to conceptualize these. It is not necessary. Just like butter lamp is not needed in the daytime.
Different practitioners have different methods. In brief, must dispel all grasping, biases.
Will be no thinking, “is going well”. Milarepa said they will appear like an apparition in space, like a cloud in the sky that will vanish is if no grasping.
In reference to self-arising 3 vajras of body, speech and mind.
In mind, when there is no grasping, the mind can’t be obscured, naturally, because one is endowed with b-nature, will naturally see all appearances as the nature of the deity.
Will hear all sounds as the union of sound and emptiness.
Ex guru rinpoche, no inner grasping of the mind, the external objects won’t disappear, but the mind will remain clear.
Doesn’t mean the perceptions of forms and sound will disappear. Means there is no grasping. What union of form and emptiness means is the grasping to forms is gone.
Union of sound and emptiness is grasping to sounds is gone.
One is then inseparable from the deity. Whenever temporary grasping to appearances and sounds is released, will naturally attain enlightenment, the dharmakaya. Will understand all beings naturally transcend body, speech and mind.
When we engage in the creation stage practice, one must give rise to such a pure view. Through this view, do not let perfect conduct slip by. Must see everything as purity, but must observe customs of county and show great respect.
In our conduct, must be in accord with traditions of country.
We talk about 5 meats and 5 nectars. If don’t understand everything is pure form beginning, will see pure and impure. May see our body as pure and the best, and everything else is dirty. This is dualistic grasping we naturally have, which keeps us in bondage we need to purify this mind. We must heed our activity.
View must be vast like space, and conduct fine like flour.
See all people as pure, but observe rules of karma. Avoid 10 unvirtuous actions. It is said (probably by Lord jitgon Sumgon) that outer conduct should be in accord with vinaya, inner with bodhichitta, and we ahould secretly hold the view of Vajrayana – we don’t hold any phenomena of samsara + nirvana as having lasting existence.
Before I talked about creation stage, and benefits and powers of creation stage, how we can transform impure into pure perceptions in this lifetime. If we can do this, can’t be harmed by spells, and so forth. One will attain common siddhis and ultimately enlightenment. Also, in bardo, if one doesn’t forget form, then in an instant, one may attain enlightenment in the 2nd stage of the bardo after death.
We nurture our mindstreams + at same time, accumulate mantras ex. 10 syllables, each 100,000 times. – 1 million. We must accumulate the number, but must abide in Samadhi one-pointedly inseparable with deity without distraction. Through the Power on mantra, will be able to engage in 4 enlightened activities.
There are 9 benefits of mantra. Of these, there are 3 it is really useful to know.
– See mantra as deity, see mantra as an offering, and see mantra as a siddhi.
When we recite mantra, we must also focus one-pointedly on visualization. Must also give rise to faith and devotion.
3 types.
Qualities of the deities/ Buddhas posses knowledge, love, great powers.
Knowledge- wisdom to see all fruitions of actions.
Love for all beings like mother for child.
Powers- when we merge our mind with the deity, we will sew seeds of the d-kaya, and be able to accomplish it.
See mantra chain – like pouring milk into tea and must stir it.
First the mantra garland rotates slowly, and then accelerates. If you remain in view it becomes very fast. Then, can recite in non-conceptual state- in mahamudra, this is the actual meditation.
When thoughts appear, can focus on mantra garland. Emanate light as offering to Buddhas and bodhisattvas. Infinite mantras like rainbows multiplying.
Qualities in mind of bodhichitta. Light rays can purify sentient beings obscurations. Infinite light from mantra chain.
In this way, have awareness of mantra as the deity.
An offering, a purification of obscurations of sentient beings, and a gathering of the powers of the Buddhas and blessings.
Ultimately, one attains siddhis, then mantras become siddhis, our mind and mind of deity become inseparable and will never be apart again.
Like if one has a friend one loves very much, they are never not with you.
At that time, then the actual powers of the deity will arise. The principle power- the altruistic mind – the actual power.
Love and compassion increase, if they increase, wisdom will increase.
1 must never, never practice mantra through hopes and expectations.
In the future, one may get harm from that.
From mind of compassion free of grasping, one will attain highest accomplishment.
If one has practiced in retreat, then one will become so close to the deity, one is never separate from the deity again.
When we recite mantra and visualize the deity, the mediation is like fire, the mantra is like wind. Fire and wind come together, wind will fan fire.
Must recite mantra clearly. Sometimes, many disciples gather and recite in a melody, some think if one does melody, will be too slowly to accumulate.
But when one sings it clear and pristine, then a single recitation can count for 10 or more.
Reciting 1 mantra clear is better than 100 unclearly. Reciting slowly clearly with melody makes mind very clear. Clarity of the sounds of mantra very important. Mantra chain has benefits like the prayer wheel I hold.
It leaves a virtuous imprint in others’ minds.
Especially me – I’m a sinful person – I haven’t’ had a chance to go into retreat – so, since I am a sinful person, when I spin the prayer wheel, it is of great benefit to me to purify my negativities.
For the body, the physical virtue of each rotation is like a circumambulation –
With each rotation, 100,000 mantas inside radiate out.
The mantras reach all Sentient beings emanated out. In this way, it benefits all beings.
If you lose mindfulness, you will loose the prayer wheel. Is why I brought prayer wheel to the US. Is a very effective method of accumulating benefit with body, speech and mind.
Plus, anyone seeing will not get lower rebirth. The seed of liberation is planted. Great merit. Linked to mantra chain. Effective way to accomplish something great through small activity. When I do it, others like to do what I am doing, so they are doing it to. ☺
We say Emanations of Chenrezig and Tara are coming down when we spin prayer wheel.– internally, what we really mean is the mind of love and compassion has taken place in our mindstream. In brief, The Buddhas teachings are only a method to increase love and compassion.
Many great benefits of recitation. Sometimes, disciples gather to chant or sing mantras, and it is recorded on CD. As long as the sound remains, will benefit beings with and without bodies by planting seeds of liberation. Even after we have died, we will still get merit from it when people listen to recording.
Reciting mantra will temporarily expel obstacles, as well as create connection to love and compassion. It is like calling the deity by phone –a very quick connection. These are the benefits.
And then, the completion stage.
Many explanations, but in brief, the purpose is to purify the propensities of the death stage. We said before, creation stage purifies propensities of birth. Everything will come to dissolution in the end, in one single person, if they understand – nature of entire universe and sentient beings – first it was created, but in the end, it will disintegrate. It lacks inherit nature from it’s own side.
External universe- the 5 elements. They will dissolve, one into another.
Sentient beings- their bodies will dissolve, one into the other, and then to complete destruction.
Resolve into each other.
Padme sangye? - “When a yogi dies, he doesn’t really die. Will embrace death. One has accomplished deathlessness of mind, an elixir that will remain. Mind has become nature of 5 wisdoms., and one will attain form like rainbow body.
In the end, one will attain vajra body- appearance and emptiness union.
If one realizes true nature of mind, there is no arising and cessation. Is like a rainbow that transcends birth and death.
For us ordinary beings, we attach to phenomena, and at base don’t know this, and will have suffering.
Will have 3 appearances.
All those with strong self-grasping – have some merit, so may have some happiness in this life – wife, kids, happiness.
Why did I experience this? Frution of morals ethics, generosity, patience.
If one attaches to this world, one will be attached to this lifetime; will lose ones’ mental independence. One realizes this through bodhichitta. Realize body of flesh blood bones will dissolve.
The propensities of our karma will emerge as suffering – thirst, etc.
Some Sentient beings dissolve into rocks, into earth. Whatever one’s mind is attached to at that moment will dispel into that.
To get free of that, must Realize they are free from existence,
In lama chopa, we create universe and sentient beings, and recognize they are pure in nature, after visualize refuge tree, then bodhichitta that melts self-grasping like ice, then everything dissolves. Retinue into principle deity, the deity into emptiness.
Like elements dissolving into elements one by one at death.
Earth to water, water to fire, fire to wind, wind to consciousness.
Then one will faint and lose mindfulness. Red and white paths will merge.
This is why it is necessary to practice completion stage.
Purifying the death propensities- relates directly to death process too. To prepare, is very beneficial to relate to dream state, Falling asleep relates to death. Recognizing dream state is like state after death.
One may think the dream of last night was a dream, and this morning is real life.
One thinks one lives a life span, entertains thoughts of past, and plans for the future, and thinks the universe and firm and will always remain.
This is a delusion.
The appearances may appear for a few years, but they don’t’ exist on their own from their own side.
Must resolve that this lifetime is like a dream.
Before we got this Precious Human Birth, we were a consciousness with self-grasping mind and 4 aggregates. One has lost body, but still has feeling, formation, perception, and consciousness. No one will be able to see it, but one will feel suffering in this astral body. Due to actions we have committed, we will enter womb in 6 realms.
From birth till death is like a dream of a single night.
The lifetime from birth to childhood, aging, death – this entire lifespan is a dream we have dreamed. After we die, we will wake up. The dream will be over in the bardo state. A consciousness seeking a body.
In beginning, is important to resolve this life is like a dream. If you believe it is real, this establishes samsara. Must contemplate the universe will come to destruction.
The consciousness will still create another universe.
This creation is related to the creation state.
In Reality, the self light of the arising of one's own mind.
This mind is like a dream.
Dream state and completion state relate to each other.
When we practice completion state, must know how to practice it.
Like when you have a mirror, and breathe on a mirror, it becomes foggy, you can’t see anything, then watch it slowly, and it will clear up on it’s own. ☺
One must first understand that this entire creation will not remain. Then, visualize universe and Sentient beings – deities, principle deity – ex. Lama chopa- one thing dissolves into another – universe into sentient beings, sentient beings into retinue, retinue into main deity, main deity into one’s heart.
If yab-yum, the female dissolves into the male, and then the Buddha from top and bottom to the HUM in the heart. Remain in the HUM for a little while, then dissolve from the bottom up to the little ball on the top, then rest in that, and then the little ball dissolves into the nada strain – eventually into space and disappears.
When thoughts are completely severed, remain in that state for however long as you can, - if you can’t, reprise as deity in an instant – before thoughts have intervened. Will gradually purify ordinary propensities.
The daytime experiences relate to birth, nighttime relate to death process.
When you go to sleep at night, slowly fall asleep, as the dream arises.
The white path and red path, and other visions.
If one has light sleep, one may apprehend dream state. In an instant recognize them.
When dream stops, we faint. Like everything dissolving into the HUM syllable. If one has habituated completion stage, the clear knowing awareness must arise, must recognize dream state, and recognize when the dream stops.
A practitioner will not faint into having no sensations. Clear awareness – a mind without bias. Is the clear light. Clear mindfulness. Relates to the death process. At time of death, when thoughts will have ceased. One comes to Buddha nature itself, mahamudra. If one doesn’t recognize, will fall into sleep, won’t see luminosity.
Very helpful to practice OM AH HUM before sleep, and when you wake up, that instant, it is idea to merge awareness with view. Or, if not able to, to merge awareness with deity. If one can do this, is 100% certain will attain samboghakaya in bardo.
Otherwise, when mind ejects, is like clear sky, may see the nature of mind, if one has habituated mahamudra, will attain enlightenment into dharmakaya. After all thoughts have ceased.
These are the powers of completion stage.
Is more difficult to recognize clear light of deep sleep. But ideally, on awakening, can merge mind with view, will attain enlightenment in first bardo.
If thoughts arise, then one must remember, “I must remember the yidam deity”. Will attain enlightenment in bardo state. If you can’t do that, give rise to bodhichitta “may I be of benefit to sentient beings”. Will get
In the 1st bardo, will recognize clear light and attain dharmakaya.
In the 2nd bardo, will recognize deity and attain samboghakaya enlightenment.
In the 3rd, will attain nirmanakaya and come back to become a guru in this world.
One must always practice the OM AH HUM recitation. Physically, prayer wheel is very good. If you habituate OM AH HUM, you will remember it in your dreams. Then you may remember the deity, which is very good.
OM AH HUM contains all the Buddhas speech. Every deity mantra contains OM AH HUM in some way. In a single deity, all other deities are contained. They may appear in different forms, but all are same.
So, tashi dalek, I apologize for mistakes, and apologize to Khenchen rinpoche for mistakes. ☺
Saturday, July 25, 2009
A Guru Yoga that Brings the Dharmakaya onto the Path - by Khenchen Könchog Gyaltshen, composed October 27th, 2008
Teaching from Spring 2009 Retreat, TMC, Maryland
" You are so fortunate to be here together and share some dharma knowledge. This is something very precious. I believe this is not easy to get because of the collection of causes that brought us here.
Our dharma sangha, practitioners from different places, Boston, Michigan, Florida, Georgia, Virginia, MD J, is precious. You came here because of seeing benefit of dharma. You know how it is precious, how it helps to daily life. And of course it is the way to help others, and to enlightenment, the state free of all confusion and suffering.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The Burning Names, or, One Night in Frederick Makes a Dull Man Humble...Part 1.5
Ok, after the weekend at TMC, the Drikung Kagyu dharma center in Frederick, there was one thing that was very powerful.
This was a program devoted to doing the Deity yoga of Chenrezig, the personification of the very essence of compassion (which, in a buddha-dharma context, comes directly from the wisdom of seeing that the solidity of people and the difference between people, to say the least, exaggerated.) At some point, I am going to have to give a quick overview of the Vajrayana. This is not that time. :)
While we were there, meditating on the yidam (meditational deity, which is "as real as we are - which is to say, not particularly real" - VKR :)) as a less-conceptual way to 'get' real compassion and emptiness/ fullness, we were doing the mantra part of the practice using a very ancient (at least 6-7 centuries, likely much older) melody used at Drikung-thil, which is the mother monestary founded by Lord Jitgon Sumgon, the founder of the Drikung Kagyu lineage of Vajrayana (aka Himilayan aka Tibetan) Buddhism.
I noticed that the way the melody was structured had an interesting effect on breathing, which seemed to effect mental state. I'll have to check with a lineage scholar if this may actually be a yogic 'skillful means' to orient the mind faster than regularly occurs.
Anyway, it was a wonderful practice.
But, the most powerful thing occured after practice concluded the first evening (which was just a prelude to the actual 'formal' practice session itself, which started the following day and, as of this writting is still going on in shifts 24/7 til this weekend.)
Some of us slept in the shrine room. On the porch outside, there was a butterlamp offering, which is traditionally done for the dead, dying, and those suffering. The plan was to have 108 lamps (which were actually Mexican Catholic prayer candles custom ordered w/o pictures of stylized white holy people, since nobody makes butterlamps on this continent :)) burning, each sponsored for 10 dollars. The resulting money (1080 dollars) went to a Frederick area food bank, which has been slammed for need due to the world economy going into the toilet.
There were many more than 108, due to sangha member's friends and family members among the dead, dying, and suffering (including David Flight, a long time sangha member). Once these were set, they were supposed to keep burning til the end of the Drubchen (1 week).
As I sat on a cot in the shrine room, I looked out over the candles on the porch, which was being buffeted by high winds. (TMC -is- on a mountaintop, after all :)) The candles were under a tent, which provided a little cover - but not much.
As I did, I started going over the 4 Reminders, which VKR said to do often as humanly possible.
So I did, starring at the candles flickering, each of them a human being either gone, on the way out, or possibly worse off than on the way out, some things started sinking in...
2) The reality of death and impermance
Each of those candles was a human. Many of them dead humans. Seeing well over 100 bunched together makes quite an impact, like seeing all the names on the Wall at the Vietnam Memorial. It recalls the traditional practice of burning someone's name sometime up to 49 days after someone dies, supposedly to tell a wondering conciousness that hasn't either got enlightened in the in-between state or choosen a rebirth
'this is no longer your life. leave it behind.'
I've heard from someone who knows these things that it's really for those still alive left behind, to let THEM know "your loved one is gone. We must carry on." This is part of the Sukavahti practice we do for the dead in the Shambhala community, using a photo.
Watching the candles precariously staying lit flickering in the wind, I thought more. Everybody is like that. We could blow out at any time. And even if we don't, we will burn through our lifespan. And when the fuel is gone, the flame goes out. Period. Into the darkness.
I kept going over this over and over. The image still sticks with me. I hope it does you too.
(The other 3 Reminders will follow soon, if all goes well. Back up to Frederick tomorrow.)
-JTR
Monday, August 25, 2008
How the Black Swan Came to the Lake...
I've been asked by several newer students to explain my lineage. My path is not exactly the usual "person-curious-about-meditation-comes-into-the-shambhala-center-and-follows-the-curiculum". Ok, it's not even CLOSE to 'normal'.
* This is the "one damn song that can make me break down and cry", as David Bowie once put it.
If I had to describe my stream, it would be Drikung Kagyu-Mindrolling/Nyingma-Shambhala-Karma Kagyu.
You were warned it would be a mouthful! :)
To give the short version:
Soto Zen practitioner - 1995-1997 (sporadically)
Shambhala practitioner- 1997-present
Dharma Art practitioner - 1998-present
Mindrolling lineage practitioner - 1999-present
Drikung Kagyu practitioner - 2000-present
...and Karma Kagyu mixed in with all the other lineages.
Ok, the long version:
1989-91
After reading a lot of the Beat's writings (Kerouac, Ginsburg, Burroughs, Watts - the usual suspects :)) in high school, I had an interest in Buddhism. At that point, it was just reading and thinking "that makes sense". No sitting yet.
1993-95
Skip ahead a bit. Re-reading Kerouacs' "the Dharma Bums". Got some interest in Zen. Took class in college last semester on Zen Buddhism. Decent class, VERY good books, but not a part of me yet.
1996
Occasionally sitting, but not in a guided, focused way. Combined methods, which watered down effectiveness. Sat from time to time with a local Zen group at someone's house north of baltimore. OK, but not really incorprating into 'the core of my being' yet.
At the time, was somewhat leading and writting songs for half-assed unfocused rock band. Writing methods included at least a third of a bottle of rum. Pretty much using the Jim Morrison "I'm a songwriter, so I have a right to be a drunken asshole" idea which quite often doesn't lead anywhere good. (Exhibit A: Jim himself. ) Trying to live like 90's-critic's pick Mark Eitzel of American Music Club, but not exactly at his poetic level yet, no matter how blurry things were the next morning after a writing session.
1997
Hit long-overdue point of "This is your world. It isn't working." Had rug pulled out emotionally - My concept of me had been been built on someone else instead, who was no longer available to fill that role. (See my earlier "my beef with Ohio" post). What's that line from the Jayhawk's song "Blue"*? "Always thought I was someone, turned out I was wrong." Realized that not eating for three weeks and not sleeping without the benefit of rum and/or pharmaceuticals in the aftermath was not healthy. Thought advice of 'just never talk with each other again' sucked, and was tired of dodging and chickening out of challenges, as I had always done before. Decided to try opposite approach instead of crawling back under my stone. Knew that dharma was most workable solution, and also realized I couldn't do that on my own, either. Sought out more 'permanent' spiritual home.
Tried to go sit with another Zen group, found they had closed, but was refered to Baltimore Shambhala Meditation Center (BSMC) at 11 Mount Royal Avenue. Went, got meditation instruction, started sitting regularly there. After facing down a whole #@$#-load of longing, regrets, fantasies, and rage and labeled it "thinking", found I was able to function a bit better.
1998
Still sitting regularly at BSMC. By auspicious coincidence, ran into Dave Cip, a master of hindi-style slide guitar and member of BSMC, at a Richard Thompson concert at Artscape. He told me about the Dharma Art program happening the next weekend at BSMC. I was intrigued and said I would be there. I then proceeded to get shit-faced before meeting one of my musical heroes (who, as a serious practicing Sufi, is a teetotaler).
The next weekend, did program. it spoke to me in a way NOTHING had before. Ladies and gents, here's where I bit the hook. :) At one point, did an object arrangement that incorporated a picture of Khandro Rinpoche. THAT stopped my mind. A little taste of what was to come.
1999
Sitting more regularly. Did more Dharma Art programs. Doing one of these that fell on Vesak Day, we did an offering to a Buddha at the Maryland Institute College of Art. At that point, I asked the co-director (who was also my MI) "Ok, I've been shadowboxing with the dharma long enough. What do I need to do to get into the Khandro Rinpoche retreat and take refuge?"
Started studying for the Fall Retreat 'Gateway' program. (About this time, I had busted my right hand, so the band I had been in was allowed to just die off. This was a good thing, since the Khandro RInpoche study group night was the same night as band practice had been.)
Met many people who remain good friends to the present day. Went to the Annual Retreat for five-day program. Felt like the top of my head was lobbed off, and all thought processes temporarily re-wired. This was a good thing. I am still amazed at just how not-quite-sane I was back then, whenever I reread the transcripts of that teaching and come to my bizzare lines of questioning.
Came back, and decided to move out of parent's basement. (Strangely enough, the amount I had been spending on a practice space was enough for a security deposit in the DC area). Answered ad for a group house in Takoma Park. Found a more senior student from Khandro Rinpoche's sangha was already living there! (what are the chances?) Also, Jimmy Pittard, a senior student of another lineage, the Drikung Kagyu, was living there. THAT is what we call "auspicious coincidence."
Sitting regularly, spliting time evenly between Baltimore and DC Shambhala. Spending evenings hitting bars and dance clubs with Baltimore Khandro Rinpoche friends. Those were good times.
Woke up Thanksgiving morning passed out on friends' floor in Baltimore with no idea how I got there. Last blackout of this lifetime.
Spent New Years Eve with Baltimore Shambhala Sangha. Woke up next morning (after an hour's sleep) in BSMC shrine room with several other sangha members strewn around, to be there for first sitting of the year. Found out I snored. :) Jann Jackson announced that the 17th Karmapa had just escaped from Tibet to India.
2000
One evening in February, came back in from running around Georgetown with some B-more VKR folks to find someone sleeping on the couch of the house on Tulip Avenue. I apologized for waking them, and asked for their name. In this great gravelly drawl, "Konchog Dorje." Me:"that sounds like a dharma name." Him: "Well, I-am- a monk."
First meeting with Bikshu Konchog Dorje from Atlanta, a former attorney-turned-monastic in the Drikung Kagyu, and one of the coolest people you will ever meet. Any preconceptions I may have had about monastics being these totally pure Ziggy Stardust-like glitering beings were totally destroyed by Dorje. :) In his earlier life, his week could beat your year. He lived in our house for a while when he was undergoing an experimental treatment for Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma at NIH (which was a success). For those who know of that disease, yes, Dorje is HIV positive. Amazingly, he has (as of this writing) been living for over 20 years with full-blown AIDS. Impossible, you say? I've noticed that people who practice dharma correctly can often manifest amazing states of health and grow old very gracefully. (Witness all the hot mamas among the senior students over 50 in the Lotus Garden sangha :)).
A couple months later, I went up to the Tibetan Meditation Center in Frederick, MD, which is the North American seat of the Drikung Kagyu. I was introduced by Jimmy and Dorje to then-Khenpo (now Khenchen) Konchog Gyaltshen Rinpoche, who taught on the 12 nidanas. I thought he was a very good teacher, quite funny, and very different from Khandro Rinpoche.
In May, I went to my fifth college reunion. Apparently the differences in behavior were setting in already. Someone said "ok, what's happening here, when Duder (my old college nickname - no, I don't use it any more - and neither should you :)) is the most sober person in the room?" :) It was great to see folks again, but I wanted to be able to read this great mind-training text i'd borrowed from one of my housemates called "The Wheel of Sharp Weapons" when I went to bed. To keep my mental faculties sharp enough, I had 1 1/2 beers the whole night, and a bunch of water, so I felt nothing except the wonderful taste of Guiniess and the need to go to the bathroom often. :)
I went up to TMC Frederick again for a weekend in June, which was within a day of my meeting my now-wife, Meli. For some reason, Khen Rinpoche's teaching this time wacked me upside the head as Khandro Rinpoche had done the previous fall. I don't know why, but for the next several weeks I experienced everything in a much more direct way than ever before, like some kind of blinders had fallen off. It wore off eventually, but I had some direct experience of some kind of samadhi.
In Frederick, in addition to the Very Venerable Khenchen Konchog Gyaltshen Rinpoche, my teachers have since included H.E. Garchen Rinpoche, Drupon Trinlay Norbu Rinpoche, and Khenpo Tsultrim Tendzin Rinpoche.
Khenpo Tsultrim did my wedding along with my Ani Jamyang/Kimi Monroe and a very, very interesting Lutheran pastor named Chad Kline.
So, this is how I came to the Dharma and stayed. I've noticed that in the first year after taking refuge, about 50% of people think "this is all too hard and too much work" and dissappear from the dharma. Spiritual burnout from taking on too much too soon is a real possibility.
However, in that time period, I had Jimmy and, for several stretches of time, Dorje living in my house, who were right there to answer all those questions and doubts newer students have. So, I've gotten only deeper and deeper in ever since, and I have no intention of leaving.
So, this is where I am now. I'll just play the game existance til the end...of the beginning...of the beginning...of the beginning...
Next time, kids, a history of all the lineages I am part of. How they have all intertwined with each other through the centuries is pretty interesting stuff.
-JTR
* This is the "one damn song that can make me break down and cry", as David Bowie once put it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)