The Burning Names, or, One Night in Frederick Makes a Dull Man Humble...Part 1.5

Ok, after the weekend at TMC, the Drikung Kagyu dharma center in Frederick, there was one thing that was very powerful.
This was a program devoted to doing the Deity yoga of Chenrezig, the personification of the very essence of compassion (which, in a buddha-dharma context, comes directly from the wisdom of seeing that the solidity of people and the difference between people, to say the least, exaggerated.) At some point, I am going to have to give a quick overview of the Vajrayana. This is not that time. :)

While we were there, meditating on the yidam (meditational deity, which is "as real as we are - which is to say, not particularly real" - VKR :)) as a less-conceptual way to 'get' real compassion and emptiness/ fullness, we were doing the mantra part of the practice using a very ancient (at least 6-7 centuries, likely much older) melody used at Drikung-thil, which is the mother monestary founded by Lord Jitgon Sumgon, the founder of the Drikung Kagyu lineage of Vajrayana (aka Himilayan aka Tibetan) Buddhism.

I noticed that the way the melody was structured had an interesting effect on breathing, which seemed to effect mental state. I'll have to check with a lineage scholar if this may actually be a yogic 'skillful means' to orient the mind faster than regularly occurs.
Anyway, it was a wonderful practice.

But, the most powerful thing occured after practice concluded the first evening (which was just a prelude to the actual 'formal' practice session itself, which started the following day and, as of this writting is still going on in shifts 24/7 til this weekend.)

Some of us slept in the shrine room. On the porch outside, there was a butterlamp offering, which is traditionally done for the dead, dying, and those suffering. The plan was to have 108 lamps (which were actually Mexican Catholic prayer candles custom ordered w/o pictures of stylized white holy people, since nobody makes butterlamps on this continent :)) burning, each sponsored for 10 dollars. The resulting money (1080 dollars) went to a Frederick area food bank, which has been slammed for need due to the world economy going into the toilet.

There were many more than 108, due to sangha member's friends and family members among the dead, dying, and suffering (including David Flight, a long time sangha member). Once these were set, they were supposed to keep burning til the end of the Drubchen (1 week).

As I sat on a cot in the shrine room, I looked out over the candles on the porch, which was being buffeted by high winds. (TMC -is- on a mountaintop, after all :)) The candles were under a tent, which provided a little cover - but not much.
As I did, I started going over the 4 Reminders, which VKR said to do often as humanly possible.

So I did, starring at the candles flickering, each of them a human being either gone, on the way out, or possibly worse off than on the way out, some things started sinking in...

2) The reality of death and impermance
Each of those candles was a human. Many of them dead humans. Seeing well over 100 bunched together makes quite an impact, like seeing all the names on the Wall at the Vietnam Memorial. It recalls the traditional practice of burning someone's name sometime up to 49 days after someone dies, supposedly to tell a wondering conciousness that hasn't either got enlightened in the in-between state or choosen a rebirth
'this is no longer your life. leave it behind.'
I've heard from someone who knows these things that it's really for those still alive left behind, to let THEM know "your loved one is gone. We must carry on." This is part of the Sukavahti practice we do for the dead in the Shambhala community, using a photo.

Watching the candles precariously staying lit flickering in the wind, I thought more. Everybody is like that. We could blow out at any time. And even if we don't, we will burn through our lifespan. And when the fuel is gone, the flame goes out. Period. Into the darkness.

I kept going over this over and over. The image still sticks with me. I hope it does you too.

(The other 3 Reminders will follow soon, if all goes well. Back up to Frederick tomorrow.)

-JTR

Drubchen!

Sorry, it's been a while. Xmas? Relatively uneventful. Birthday? I worked until 2 AM.
But, I spent this weekend doing dharma practice in Frederick at the Drikung Kagyu temple up there,
which made things much better.

More later...

In retrospectacle...the ER Experience

Melissa is doing MUCH better. Thank you everyone.
The infection that caused this seemed to clear itself up when she was knocked out by the anti-convulsant drugs. The whole thing was pretty scary, but I'm pleasantly surprised I help together pretty well. As I was saying to someone earlier, I knew that this was a possiblity, and had thought it out in the past. As one of my teachers had said, thinking about what the worst thing that could happen is gets rid of a lot of the fear around it.

As I was walking around the Holy Cross hospital (pictured- It's where I was born, btw) ER with my red/white prayer shawl over my shoulder (it's a Drikung Kagyu thing - It just looks like a small blanket :)), I was struck by all the suffering around. My meditation instructor Ken has said many, many times that we 'mericans are really really good at hiding suffering or keeping it at arm's length - but we end up forcing it into concentrated areas like ghettos (including the Southeast section of pretty much every big city- think about it) or emergency rooms.

Most people don't want to even think about the possibility of suffering, as if it will somehow cause it to be. Well, it was occuring to me as I was standing there looking out softly singing the Garchen RInpoche Chenrezig mantra melody as Meli slept, not thinking about it didn't help anybody in there - from the guy with pnemonia who was treating himself with some of his mother's antibiotics (which is so VERY bad on so many levels - this is how one accidentally could create a 1918 virus, part 2 :( ) and found they didn't help, the three heart attack victims who were forced to be in beds surrounded by curtains in the ER, since the ENTIRE hospital was full, the babies with awful, awful coughs, the woman who was limping in with a 'working dog' (beautiful animal, btw) that had some kind of law enforcement involvement - I doubt any of them thought for a second "I could end up in the ER today. I could see one of my loved ones in that place. "

Also, the fact that four people died as I was walking around also made me think. All these things we try to hide from, just get concentrated.

I am very, very glad that I HAVE thought about these things in depth. It's what I credit with being able to jump in an react with what was required when the convulsions started rather than "what the hell? this can't be happening! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! NO! NO!"

So, that's my take away lesson. Instead of pushing these things out of your mind, allow them in and look directly. Also, connected with that, realize that every conversation you have with someone may be the last conversation you have with them ever. I've found that taking that approach (Trungpa suggested it in "Training the Mind" - he was right again :)) has led me to cut through a lot of the heming and hawing and "I can't say that" I once had.

Anyway, that's the lessons from this weekend. Now, I am really tired (and sore from being landed on several times), so off to sleep.

Dream well, everybody. And think about all this for a minute.

Friday night in the ER...

Well, it's amazing what a chance a few hours can make.
My wife Meli had her first seizure in @ 6 years earlier this evening. She then recovered and was talking to the ambulance crew, when another one struck. She went on to have a total of five seizures, but seems to be on the other side.

The cause was apparently an infection, most likely passed around her office stress due to work .
She's an HR assistant at the International Monetary Fund, which was forced (to a great extent by one member country) to cut a lot of staff in the last year, but is now having to re-staff VERY rapidly due to the global economic meltdown (caused to a great extent by the same country that ordered the staffing cuts.).
Trying to get 15 interviews scheduled in one day with people across the world while everyone is in a slight panic over the latest awful numbers with little sleep seemed to be the final tipping point.

Melissa was brought by ambulance, and I followed a little later by car. It was very nice to get several calls from folks due to my Facebook status about the seizure. Even nicer was Jane from the VKR and DCSC sanghas stopping in to visit (since she lives very close to the hospital).

My parents came down to the hospital, as did my sister (by different parents) Kimmie (long story). This was good. My mom's a retired nurse, so she could explain what all the numbers on the monitors really meant.
When Meli was getting a CAT scan (all normal - well, as normal as can be expected for anyone married to me :)), we went up to the Starbucks above the ER. Yes, there is, in fact, a Starbucks in EVERY corner of the civilized world.

The ER docs used a bit of aderol (sp?), which stopped her seizures and knocked her out. She was getting better - I helped her to the bathroom and to drink some water before she conked out again. It was suggested I go home for a little (which the animals enjoyed) to grab some sleep, and then call and come back tomorrow.

When I left, I was more concerned about some of the other people there - the doctor said that Fridays and Mondays in December are always awful. I heard someone "coded" in another room, and someone in another refered to as a John Doe. Lots of awful groaning.

There are literally no open beds at Holy Cross hospital tonight, and people who'd had heart attacks were being kept in beds in hallways. Also, the other nearby hospital, Washington Adventist, was closed to more patients due to lack of nursing staff.

If you forget that life is at base suffering, hang out at an ER sometime. And remember: all of us will most likely end up there at least once sooner or later. It's just a matter of time.

Well, time to go collapse in bed. I'll post more tomorrow (ok, later this morning :)) if all goes well.

Yogis, practice!

-JTR

Happy Winter Solistice...having fun yet?

Quick note- I've been busy. My work has gotten interesting in a good-ish way. I am being converted to full-time staff after 2 months (it was supposed to take 6 months) and moving to give tech support to the Obama Administration on the new mega-improved Whitehouse.gov. This should be pretty secure. I need to pass a security clearance, which should be easy, as long as Tibetans aren't considered to be under suspicious by DHS. And of course, I haven't done any substances this century.
Hell, I don't remember the last time I even had a complete beer! :)

Only sucky thing about this job is it slashes my chance to do the whole Chenrezig Drubchen at TMC at the end of the month.
A "Drubchen" is a period of at least a week where people in a closed retreat will be doing one vajrayana dharma practice 24 hours a day the whole time. (This is by shifts, btw. No way anyone could stay up that whole time by themselves. :))
It's said that this kind of group practice situation allows VERY rapid maturation of practice - between the interdependence of merit of retreatants (which is a little "X-filesish") and, more logical, the more senior advanced practioners can model for newer ones how to do things properly, which helps everyone.

At this point, I am gonna be lucky to do 3 days consecutively. Poo.