In retrospectacle...the ER Experience

Melissa is doing MUCH better. Thank you everyone.
The infection that caused this seemed to clear itself up when she was knocked out by the anti-convulsant drugs. The whole thing was pretty scary, but I'm pleasantly surprised I help together pretty well. As I was saying to someone earlier, I knew that this was a possiblity, and had thought it out in the past. As one of my teachers had said, thinking about what the worst thing that could happen is gets rid of a lot of the fear around it.

As I was walking around the Holy Cross hospital (pictured- It's where I was born, btw) ER with my red/white prayer shawl over my shoulder (it's a Drikung Kagyu thing - It just looks like a small blanket :)), I was struck by all the suffering around. My meditation instructor Ken has said many, many times that we 'mericans are really really good at hiding suffering or keeping it at arm's length - but we end up forcing it into concentrated areas like ghettos (including the Southeast section of pretty much every big city- think about it) or emergency rooms.

Most people don't want to even think about the possibility of suffering, as if it will somehow cause it to be. Well, it was occuring to me as I was standing there looking out softly singing the Garchen RInpoche Chenrezig mantra melody as Meli slept, not thinking about it didn't help anybody in there - from the guy with pnemonia who was treating himself with some of his mother's antibiotics (which is so VERY bad on so many levels - this is how one accidentally could create a 1918 virus, part 2 :( ) and found they didn't help, the three heart attack victims who were forced to be in beds surrounded by curtains in the ER, since the ENTIRE hospital was full, the babies with awful, awful coughs, the woman who was limping in with a 'working dog' (beautiful animal, btw) that had some kind of law enforcement involvement - I doubt any of them thought for a second "I could end up in the ER today. I could see one of my loved ones in that place. "

Also, the fact that four people died as I was walking around also made me think. All these things we try to hide from, just get concentrated.

I am very, very glad that I HAVE thought about these things in depth. It's what I credit with being able to jump in an react with what was required when the convulsions started rather than "what the hell? this can't be happening! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! NO! NO!"

So, that's my take away lesson. Instead of pushing these things out of your mind, allow them in and look directly. Also, connected with that, realize that every conversation you have with someone may be the last conversation you have with them ever. I've found that taking that approach (Trungpa suggested it in "Training the Mind" - he was right again :)) has led me to cut through a lot of the heming and hawing and "I can't say that" I once had.

Anyway, that's the lessons from this weekend. Now, I am really tired (and sore from being landed on several times), so off to sleep.

Dream well, everybody. And think about all this for a minute.